The Pain that Powered my Passion
‘’Hello Baby Girl, Hello Angel Face’… that is me greeting my daughter who is currently 2 years old.
In 2015 we were filled with excitement while waiting for our first-born child to arrive. It was the best feeling ever and I couldn’t wait to kiss that little face and those little feet. It was going to be perfect. I had even written a song for this bundle of Joy, our little Bean.
November 5, I was 6 months pregnant at the time. It was a crazy day at work, during lunch time I started experiencing some mild cramps but after some time they disappeared so I was fine again. After a long day I drove home with a colleague of mine who had asked for a lift and we spoke about babies and labour the entire time on our trip home. We spoke about it so deep, it was as if I was going to be giving birth soon. But I thought to myself, I still a couple of months to prepare myself before going through that (or so I thought). I dropped her at her off at the station and made my way home. As I was driving home, the cramps came back and I thought it was going pass again as it did earlier, but they continued. That was the longest drive home ever (or so I thought).
Eventually I got home and took a long bath and relaxed. I went to bed early that night, although I did not get much sleep I managed to rest my body.
The next day we went to see the doctor and when he asked me, what was wrong, I said to him “I think I’m in labour, because I been having contraction like pains” the doctor laughed and said ‘’ don’t be silly, it’s too early for contractions, besides how would you know; you’ve never had contractions before.
He then checked my blood pressure and the baby’s heartbeat and everything seemed to be in order. He told me everything looked fine but also mentioned that the baby is siting quite low on the belly, he then said, ‘that means this baby won’t give me a problem during labour because she already knows what position to be sitting at’.
We all laughed and said clever baby. The doctor put me on bed rest and said I should call him in and if I get any of those cramps again.
Later that day, I started feeling un easy again. A couple hours later, I was rushed to hospital. It was around 5:30am so the roads were still clear. We flew to the hospital and when we got there I could not walk anymore as the pain had reached its peak. My husband, Mr K rushed in and got a wheel chair, he wheeled me straight to the labour ward where we found the nurses relaxing waiting for knock off time. They began to ask questions like who’s your doctor, how far along are you, what happened?
I obviously could not answer any of those questions so it was all left to Mr K.
One of the nurses wheeled me in another room and hooked me up to all sorts of machinery to monitor the baby’s heart and my blood pressure. There was another gynae who was there and due to me losing a lot of blood the nurses asked him to come and have a look.
He came and started asking me a lot of questions which I felt where stupid at time as I just needed to get out of this pain and be assured that my bean was fine. He also kept asking me where my doctor is. I just wanted to swear at him and say, ‘do you think we would have called you if he was here?’
My doctor eventually made it through, as he came he was told I’m losing a lot of blood so they ordered some blood for me. I was then wheeled into another room where the doctor was going to check me. In the mean-time he told the nurses to prepare for a caesarean procedure. Things were getting crazy.
My pains were escalating and I thought I was losing my mind. The room was suddenly full and everybody was busy with something to prepare for all this craziness. The doctor shouted, we have to deliver this baby now, she’s right at the door’ I said, ‘but I’m only 26 weeks!’ And he said that’s ok my dear, she’s here now’ he didn’t even have enough time to get into his full gear and I was screaming in pain. The doctor could see that I could not hold it any longer so he came half-dressed and gave me permission to push. I pushed about 3 times and pop the bean went. We heard a little cry and suddenly that pain was gone. The bean blessed us with her presence way earlier than expected. It was the scariest time of my life.
Another doctor accompanied by a few nurses came in with an incubator and they took the bean and started getting busy with her. I couldn’t really see what was happening but I remember the doctor saying to me ‘your baby is too small, I don’t think she is going to make it’. She weighed 450 g (about 15.8 ounces), “yes that small”. My heart stopped a bit but I don’t think I heard her very well because I was still a bit confused about what had just happened.
The bean was then taken away and I went to Theatre. That whole experience took about 3 hours and everything was over. I was taken to the waiting room where Mr K was waiting for me. Only then we caught our breath and asked each other ‘what just happened?’. We then decided it was time to call the family starting with the parents.
My bean was premature, which meant she would have to stay in the hospital (NNICU) until she was ready. We were warned that it was going to be a long road.
She stayed in the hospital for 6 months. Some very long emotional 6 months. I eventually had to go back to work, so I can only take my full maternity leave when she comes home.
Our Bean battled throughout the way, she was born too weak and the doctors were surprised that she lived that long, but we all had hope as she was becoming stable as time went on.
When it was almost time to go home and our bean caught a bug that attacked her fragile lungs and things got worse again. This situation caused her to stop breathing at times and that brought in a new challenge Seizures, the re-occurrence of the seizures caused a disturbance in her brain and slowed down her progress completely.
The doctor then told us that if she lives, she might have some brain disabilities added on her health challenges and would need to be cared for, for the rest of her life. I was ready to leave my JOB and everything to care of her fulltime and nothing else mattered at the time. A month later, our Bean gained her Angel wings and left this world. My heart was shattered.
That experience taught me patience ‘which is my ultimate weakness’ and I learned to appreciate the time we have on earth.
All I really wanted to do was to lock myself in a room and stay there for as long as I could. Shut the world completely out.
I did that for about a week or 2, I was afraid and ashamed to talk to anybody about this, I felt a bit empty and lonely inside.
But there was this constant feeling that I just couldn’t shake off. I started to wonder if there wasn’t any another reason why she came into our lives, shook them and left us just like that.
The Bean had become well known in the Hospital and inspired a lot of people in her short life, such as; fellow parents, nurses and doctors. Then it hit me, that her short existence was not in vain and her little spirit will continue to live on as it was going to Power my Passions. I was going to finally act with all the things that I have been putting aside.
From that day onwards, I promised myself never to procrastinate but to live life to the fullest and to change from living by default to living a fulfilling life of my own design. Wanting to live a life that is more fulfilled, I decided that I wanted to Do More, Have More, Be More & Give More.
I then decided that I wanted to focus on the things that inspired me and to put in time to inspire others. I was really going to take this Painful experience and let it Power my Passion.
A couple of months later, I was blessed with another baby girl and being a mom made me realize that in addition to it all, I wanted to be able to spend time with my kids in whatever situation and raise them exploring their full potential without worrying about ‘’earning a living’’ activities could restrict me. And I wanted to have a Plan B if I was ever faced with a similar challenge. My new little girl reminded me off my late Bean, my angel. She was now my Angel face.
I went on to take one of my passions, which is hand-made African accessories and I started a business, Lollie’s Nest Accessories. Which is currently growing and I’m loving working on it.
I then co-founded an investment business with my husband On The Go Investments, and also started my journey from Default 2 Design while I inspire other women to take charge of their lives and not let their challenges get the best of them.
Through all this, an Entrepreneur in me was reborn and have I found ways to increase my worth and earnings in more ways than one. That is what Inspired me to start this initiative and to share with those who need encouragement and the will to live again. I do that by providing a Road-Map on where to start so they can have the ability to create FREEDOM, FULFILLMENT & ABUNDANCE in their lives.
I have always wanted to write a book, but had no idea what I was going to write about. This has also given me that opportunity to share my experience in a form of a book, putting it all down helped me to offload all those emotions I felt. I hope to soon complete it and get it published.
I never knew how to be strong, until strong was all I had left. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m sure on my way and I’m enjoying the journey to my destination.
Life is full of surprises, how equipped are you to handle these surprises which may sometimes come with challenges? Maybe I can help you get started.
God’s light shines through broken people. Let it Shine…….